Survival Tip #1 If your home alone on a stormy night and the lights and phone suddenly stop working and you’ve just heard a noise in the basement. Don’t light a candle and go investigate.
Survival Tip #2 If a giant hand reaches out from under your bed don’t lean over the side to get a better look.
Survival Tip #3 If you bury your dead cat and it returns a week later don’t let it back in the house.
Survival Tip #4 If something living under your house is eating the neighborhood pets don’t try to domesticate it.
Survival Tip #5 If You’ve come in contact with glow in the dark liquid that’s just fallen from the sky washing it off isn’t enough seek medical attention.
Survival Tip #6 If you find a container marked toxic waste DO NOT OPEN, Don’t open it!
Survival Tip #7 If your boyfriend is suddenly bitten by a strange creature and is now foaming at the mouth he’s no longer your boyfriend it’s time to move on.
Survival Tip #8 If the armed forces suddenly show up and start quarantining your town it’s too late to move.
Survival Tip #9 If your friends head suddenly starts spinning around on their shoulders and they sound like James Earl Jones when they speak its time to find a new friend.
Survival Tip #10 If you‘re parked on desolate road and a creature from hell suddenly appears and wants to eat you. Don’t get out of the car and stand there screaming. Drive dame it drive!
Survival Tip #11 If you’re stranded on the side of the road and a man pulls up and offers you a ride that looks like he belongs in a mental institution it’s probably best to keep walking.
Survival Tip #12 When being chased by a lunatic with a chainsaw running into the bathroom and locking the door isn’t enough.
Survival Tip #13 If Grandma hasn’t come up from the basement in over a week and you go down and find her wrapped up in a large cocoon chances are she’s not turning into a butterfly.
Survival Tip #14 If news reports are telling you giant spiders are on the lose in your area don’t go out armed with items from your tool shed and search for them.
Survival Tip #15 If fluffy comes home and his eye’s are glowing red he’s not you’re fluffy anymore.
Survival Tip #16 When aliens have come to enslave the human race don’t congregate in large groups.
Survival Tip #17 If the guy offering you a deal of a lifetime asks you to sign a contract in blood that’s not a record deal he’s offering you, so read the fine print.
Survival Tip #18 When investigating a strange object you’ve never seen before holding it up to your face to get a closer look at it is probably unwise.
Survival Tip #19 When asked to go on an away mission of any kind make sure you’re not the one wearing the red shirt.
Survival Tip #20 When reading from the book of the dead its best not to read aloud.
Survival Tip #21 When stopping to ask for directions don’t go to the creepy looking house that’s miles from nowhere.
Survival Tip #22 When trying to survive the zombie apocalypse if you’re bitten its best not to tell your friends.
Survival Tip #23 When creating a genetic mutant make sure its not bigger faster or stronger then you.
Survival Tip #24 If you suddenly gain possession of an object that comes with a warning label stating that the item is cursed. Get rid of it!
Survival Tip #25 If you see large herds of animals leaving you’re area and it’s not migration season. You might want to consider leaving too.
Disclaimer
Seeking medical attention after coming into contact with strange toxins mutant spiders or alien viruses does not guarantee survival. Running and screaming to the authorities after fleeing from vampires, werewolves, creatures from hell or aliens will only get you labeled a lunatic and joining forces with the dark side will not ensure eternal youth, fame, fortune or world peace.
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